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no, i don't actually have an uncontrollable urge to exterminate teenage girls
Hi, i can be boring sometimes. And i often sound evil to conceal life's banalities. But i really am a kind and peace-loving creature. That despite the URL. |
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about this blog
got neither analytical insights nor flashy pictures to offer just trying to make the mundane a little less mundane! tagboard
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uh-oh uh-oh uh-oh got me lookin so crazyyyyy in love!!!~~
its been half a year since i first blog and this is my 99th entry! :)
in my three and a half years in AHS, it is undeniable that i've been very frequently exposed to christianity. think morning devotion 4x10x4=aprox. 160 times per year. plus being somehow misled into joining student camp this year. ive been told over and over God loves you. God loves you. God loves you. but what is stopping me from so called. believing in the Lord? btw, i'm a buddhist, and i'll hafta frankly admit that if i were a free thinker. christianity will be the religion for me to find solace in. but im not. in fact, all my relatives, from both the paternal and maternal sides are devout buddhists. esp my aunties and grandparents, they were even the ones who discouraged me from entering AHS 3 years ago. they only loosened their stance when i convinced them i would turn a deaf ear to any preaching. i wasn't sincere though. lol. my mum repeatedly told me negative stuffs about the christian faith too. i was told NOT to turn into a christian in my 4 years in AHS. if ya'all still remember, after the 911 attacks, the so-called prophets emerged one by one. there was the whoa! nostrodamus, the various rubbishy taiwanese astrologers and of course the biblical revelations. these prophecies really scared the hell outta me. :x that was in sec1. believe it or not, i was so deeply affected i couldn't even sleep peacefully without having those eerie prophecies about doomsday resurfacing again and again in my mind. anyone remembers the prophecy about the earthquake in singapore on 31th Oct 2001? LOL i read parts of the revelations book over and over again. and somehow they seemed to make so much sense. i was told. if u don't believe in God now, when judgement day comes, to hell you'll go! and so naturally i was afraid. that was the first time i ever pondered seriously if i shld become a christian. the reason for such thoughts was shallow though - i don't wanna go to hell. haha. but somehow the prophecy drama ended. it wasnt until the student camp 2004 when doubts resurfaced. everyone just seemed so involved in the praise and worship sessions. and the pastor gave excellent speeches. i was telling myself. okok its just that the pastors are eloquent and experienced in preaching. nth much. but i realized that i can view it in 2 ways. 1> the pastor is eloquent - he's just preaching 2> there really is some sense and logic he is making underneath it all. im confused. ive been wondering for long, but nobody has so far gave me a convincing answer to this question: According to christians, god made us he loves us we should love him so did god made us for us to love him? how pointless it seems. its kinda strange to me. of course my knowledge about christianity is limited. so as illogical? nonsencial? stupid? pointless? this question seems, pls understand. this is one thing im cant be convinced with. so as a conclusion, im not ready for christianity yet. there's still confusion and reasons for me to hold back. even though i know i've been slightly moved. |