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no, i don't actually have an uncontrollable urge to exterminate teenage girls
Hi, i can be boring sometimes. And i often sound evil to conceal life's banalities. But i really am a kind and peace-loving creature. That despite the URL. |
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about this blog
got neither analytical insights nor flashy pictures to offer just trying to make the mundane a little less mundane! tagboard
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Design: doughnutcrazyIcon: morphine_kissed |
no, i'm not a new convert, but this is too good to not post: Mercy On Me Track 7, Back To Basics Lord have mercy on my soul For I have walked a sinful road That I'm down on my knees Lord have mercy on me, please Jesus, I must confess That in all my loneliness I've forsaken and I've sinned Leaving fragments of a man so broken I could tell you what I've done Or should I tell you where I went wrong? Well the more that I start to play My deceitful, evil ways Keep on growing stronger by the day Oh lord have mercy on my soul For I have walked a sinful road So I'm gonna get down on my knees Beg forgiveness to help set me free Lord have mercy on me, please Mother Mary full of grace In my weakness, I've lost faith I've been careless, and I have been warned And the devil inside me is torn God bless the man that I have scorned Oh lord have mercy on my soul For I have walked the sinful road So I'm gonna get down on my knees Beg forgiveness to help set me free Lord have mercy on me, please So don't let me fool around no more Send your angels down to guide me through that door Well I've gone and confessed my regrets And I pray I'm not held in contempt I'm so lost, and I need you to help me repent Oh lord have mercy on my soul Oh I'm begging, I'm pleeding, I'm needing I want you to know So I'm down upon my knees Oh lord, I need forgiveness I need forgiveness from you i can well imagine the healing powers of this song for all sinful xtina fans out there. i think this song's just beautiful. lgf, you might wanna ask me for the mp3, listen, and be inspired to repent. haha. the post-prelims period has been liberating so far. i swore on my life, upon the end of my last paper, that i would not touch anything academic for at least 1 week. and i am so gonna abide by that. maybe i'll extend it to a week and a half. i think i will. caught jay's bai se feng che MV on youtube. what was he thinking?? it's just worrying, how he's allowing his works of art to grow wearier by the album. piggyback on the beach? why not rolling on the sand and frolicking among the tides as well? shudders. (stars are blind starts ringing in my mind) witness the horror: in times like these when i'm temporarily released from the confines of my mugging hole and set free to do anything frivolous under the sun, i get myself intrigued with things like wikipedia. it has anything, and everything! under the category of 'gore' they have this comprehensive list which details different types of gore scenes by movie, even dating back to ancient flicks like 12 monkeys! under the category of 'suicide' they have this whole page detailing the different methods one could employ to kill themselves - of which the method of 'bloodletting' really made me cringe. i can never understand how pain can ever be therapeutic, even for the most broken of souls. such morbid interests. but i can't help but be intrigued. how does the mind of one who attempts suicide works? what about that of a torturer, like those in hostel style slasher-flicks? how do they ever manage to derive a high from opening others up literally, then seeing tonnes of blood and guts? ..oh, how the mass media manipulates. i found a hostel production still of that japanese who had her eye socket dug out. and i am in awe. not at its twisted morbidity but at the wonders of make-up. how do they manage to keep it so realistically bloody and mangled?? must have been the photoshop. LINK (not for the squeamish): http://www.ropeofsilicon.com/flipbook.php?id=2947&page=57 disclaimer: don't worry, i'm still a nice, down-to-earth, and civilized 18-year-old underneath my perplexing fondness for the bloody and the mangled. rest assured i won't dig out your socket or snip off your toes anytime soon. gosh, it's so hazy today. could it be the southeast trade winds? haha. irritating slash-and-burn cultivators. come tomorrow, i shall meet my inevitable demise. shall go get that triple u. cuteness. i've semi given up already. it's like the laffer curve. there's so much to cover that it actually creates a disincentive for me to touch anything at all. so i shall be slothful and watch kiddywingish things like singapore idol later. and come 5pm tomorrow, it'll be something like life after death. :) EDIT: BIMBO HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!?!?!?!?!?!?! owell. this is depressing. i still have 4 more days to the end of the prelims. and 5 more days till school restarts. read between the lines and cry out with sympathy for me if you will. and ms wong has got a knack for spoiling my pretty (ok, not so pretty) exam mood just before my human geog paper tomorrow. upon collecting my csq she went like, "zhanting, ni kao de hen cha leh!" in her usual saobaotic tone. lol. owell. she probably marked by inflation question and know i screwed it up. or maybe, and hopefully not, she compiled the 3 essays together already and found out that i managed a royal screwup. i hope, i hope, i hope it is a case of expectations brought up too high, though that's not a good thing by itself anyway. haha. my mcqs were fine. and csq was not THAT (THAT being a qualifier, please note. haha) screwupable. but i know i totally flunked that vague question that asked me to assess healthcare services against two other cases of government intervention. like...er, nice flair of the language, but not in econs exams please!. just let me get that double digit for that question please. and oh, palladium and platinum, where do i even begin with? so it's down to human geography and econs s. econs s will be horrible no doubt. but the long held knowledge of my abilities (or lack thereof) to answer questions ranging from the economics of pirate ships to the economics of obesity will prepare me just fine. just don't let me screw up human geog tommmorow. ideally, elwin will ask me to assess policies needed to revive a decaying inner city. or he could ask me about the applicability of the DTM models to developing countries. haha. just don't put me off guard by coming up with some strange questions like Malthus and Boserup and whatnot. positivity. positivity. don't let loose the green eyed monster even as you see the non geog students partying away today! grr. HAHA. ok. good luck all geographers. and historians too. :D i'm nearly halfway through my prelims. yea, you read right, nearly! 5 papers down. econs 0/1/2, higher chinese 1/2 and geography 2 outstanding. it's really mentally gruelling - the constant need to remind yourself that c'mon, c'mon, it's the last lap, however consecutive hours and brain cells you must invest, you have to, there's really no other way out. it's so uncannily similar to a 2.4m run. it's the last lap, your calves threaten to disintegrate soon or something, but you know that if you throw in the white flag this very moment, all the efforts put in for the last 5 laps are gone..in a flash. i really don't wanna see my sleepless nights yielding only marginal returns. i want my returns hugely disproportional (in the right direction of course), cos right now, at this very juncture, it's just about the only thing i have left to prove my self-worth. equating academics to self-worth may be myopic and really geeky, but like i said it, at this very juncture. no one is going to give you a standing ovation for breaking your NAPFA record or clocking 9000 CIP hours at this point of the rat race. so good luck everyone! even though things may always find a way to screw themselves up... don't blank out just yet! (even if it means having to recite ancient chinese 8 million times over!) oh yeah, there will be blood.  no artsy fartsy banquet grandeur here! dental extraction. hmm. good one. works on one of the most classic innate fears of human nature... saw three is back this halloween. expectedly, it clashes right on with the As. ha ha ha. is it of any surprise? well i'll see what i can do when the time comes. was bored enough to briefly read through the currently very overhyped guo-juan-and-her-sexcapades saga on the thrashy lianhe wanbao yesterday night. what can i say? i guess the local media (the sampat evening newspapers especially) is hugely responsible for shaping the public's (negative) perception about women from china. i mean, reports about massage parlours with accompanying headlines like "half a boob exposed" etc etc.. so much for being "a global city, our island home" (i hate the national day slogan this year, fyi). then again, not as if im gonna take the moral high ground and go all, "O! we should welcome these immigrants without an ounce of biasness!". not as if i vehemently oppose the emergence of these newspaper reports. not as if my very biased perception will change anytime soon. who cares. i'd still rather fly eva airways anytime, anyplace, whether their fleet consist of 1000 year old airplanes or not. BWEAGH. 4 down. 7 more to go. gp: the natural disasters question was a godsend. i was just, ecstatic when i saw it. BUT. after giving it some thought, i think i'll barely manage a mediocre grade. here's why: my entire essay was ridden with inaaccuracies and self-imagined information. i wrote things like, "...., as evident in the scientifically proven 200-year Sahel Drought cycle...", "...as can be seen in the 1890(correction:1970) Tangshan Earthquake in China..." and "...the hurricane katrina caused massive economic losses as the hurricane was not detected early enough for an extensive enough evacuation.(correction: not really the case)" oh well. i don't think shrewd gp tutors would be fooled so easily. even if they have't got the slightest idea what the 200-year drought cycle is, they always have ms j at the other end of the staff room. shit. i let myself down. that question was clearly advantageous to all geog students. grr. but luckily, phy geog paper was ok. the one thing i like about phy geog is that you basically reap what you sow. your returns are almost always proportionate to your efforts. so im cool with what i got for what i studied. JAY'S ALBUM. ok. it's personally a little below my expectations. and i don't really buy that "we shouldn't place our expectations of him too high" argument cos the very existance of that situation can only be so because he was capable of raising our expectations in the first place! ye de di qi zhang is a 90% yi fu zhi ming clone tui hou sounds disturbingly like a jolin song worse, xin yu sounds disturbingly like a 183-club song ju hua can is not bad...but kinda goes a little overboard with the 'cheena' element? HUA LUO REN DUAN CHANG?!?! i guess he was channelling a depraved li qing zhao. the only standout tracks for me are mi die xiang and qian li zhi wai. maybe he really hit a plateau (the words 'dissected by wadis' suddenly creep into mind..) after his glory fantasy days... i think his best album is undoubtedly qi li xiang. then ye hui mei. then novemeber chopin. then 8 dimensions. then still fantasy. not a good sign :( i remember the days when i first heard the smoothie-smooth ge qian and jie kou. they really electrified me, you know what i mean, real instant goosebumps. like how hurt delivers them. i could think of absolutely no one who would be capable of owning that melody. right now as songs like xin yu come on, very unfortunately, horrific images of 5 guys with strapping 183cm frames come to mind..... owell. and does anyone else smell something fishy in that exposed upper torso of his in the album sleeves?? LMAO. when i first saw it i was like 'LIKE REAL.' on closer imagination it does indeed look more like digitally added grey patches than some washboard abs. HAHAHA. SERIOUSLY LA. ok back to some mugging. some brainless, dazed, deficient, dense, dim, dodo, doltish, dopy, dotterel, dull, dumb, dummy*, foolish, futile, gullible, half-baked*, half-witted*, idiotic, ill-advised, imbecilic, inane, indiscreet, insensate, irrelevant, irresponsible, laughable, loser*, ludicrous, meaningless, mindless, moronic, naive, nonsensical, obtuse, pointless, puerile, rash, senseless, short-sighted, simple, simple-minded, slow, sluggish, stolid, stupefied, thick, thickheaded, trivial, unintelligent, unthinking, witless lep. 8am in the morning, 3 more hours to my sleeptime, bored out of my wits by the cold and callous rocks and landforms notes right beside me. and it suddenly struck me that i forgot to post this super hilarious pic from long time ago!  comic relief. hahaha. sorry alybo! i just couldn't bear to destroy it!:P :P i've always had an obesssion with unglam photos. anyway, i wonder who the prankster that subjected lai yexian to such an ugly photo moment is. haha. take a breather, laugh a little, and mug on... final two days, don't slacken! the whole purpose of my existence is to study now. it's a mundane routine of sleep, eat, study 9 hours straight with thousands of intermittent breaks, sleep, eat, wake up to watch some holland v and scoff at mo yan yan, study another 9 hours with another 5000 intermittent breaks and so on. but hey, what's new? has it ever ceased to be like that since the nightmare that is JC2 began? my senses are too numbed now to feel any stress or weariness. one night it suddenly dawned upon me that i'm cramming everything significant (significant like, national economy, singapore's population growth) and insignificant (insignificant as zeugens, yardarngs and barchans - seriously can anything else sound more obsure than these puny desert landforms) about the world into my brain, but never ever getting the chance to experience it for myself. what's the point of knowing that increased consumer expediture boosts the national income through the multiplier when heck, i don't even get the chance to escape the confines of this mugging hole, catch a breather, and start spending my disposable income comfortably on every single frivolous item in the shopping mall like how every irrational consumer would? well, that pretty much sums up the sad life of a jc2 student. my dear jc1s, please. please do cherish your year-end holidays dearly, cos that's just about the only decent break you'll ever get throughout this close-to-inethical two year jc course. daydreaming is a wonderful respite from mugging during these times of adversities. so i happily reminisice about all the fun i had last year in taiwan:  and continue to look forward to our year-end taiwan trip! whooopedooo! i'm so gonna scour the entire shi ling ye shi for all the frivolous stuffs in the world to make up for my current state of deprivation! and how could i forget this? jay's album out in a couple of days. got a few songs from ho khim rong. MI DIAN XIANG has this exotic bounce to it's that's proving to be a huge, hazardous distraction. super addictive. but who cares, i'd rather be distracted than to be subjected to the misery of a 8hr straight HLM session (non lep students, you'd never understand). and here's by request: THANK YOU HO KHIM RONG!!!!!!!!!!!!! (adds a muack or two to irritate you) (K) (K) (K) 一身琉璃白 透明著尘埃 妳无瑕的爱 妳从雨中来 诗化了悲哀 我淋湿现在 ahh, the beauty of some fangwenshan-school literature. if only lep made us study things like that. i spent seven freakin hours memorizing that melodramatic piece of crap that is peacock east south fly, so i have to rant. take no personal offence, all you avid worshippers of chinese literature. seriously, those 26 pieces of gu wen constitute nothing but overhyped crap in my eyes. i can never, for any one gu wen force-feeding mugging session in my life, help but wonder why we're made to so rigidly memorize material that obsolete and inapplicable to our lives. to sit down last night, for seven consecutive hours, to memorize line by line, the lame, schmaltzy, oh-so-tearjerking sob story of how two lovers end up drowning in a pool and hanging off a south-east facing tree branch respectively, sure tested the limits of my mental discipline, i tell you. the only form of enlightenment i desperately need now is to know why we're made to memorize line by line, the demeaning words the evil-mother-in-law speaks, the tragic things the female character does, the frivolous actions the matchmaker resorts to..blablabla. what's the point? it's pathetic. one can of course pretend that oh, there's no need to memorize in detail, just grab the gist, make use of your language command, and exercise some flexibility in the exam hall! why torture yourself? right. 1) a strong command of the modern chinese language does close to nothing in helping you understand the musings drafted in ancient chinese. 2) it's not as if we get the luxury of time to slowly go through the dense block of words, character by character, then decide what translation would work best...all in the heat of the exam hall... when obviously everything is laid out nicely for you in the notes! and so, almost everyone falls into the trap of mindlessly memorizing proses as daft as 'lang', as preachy as 'wen shuo', as obscure as 'bing mei guan ji'..and the list goes on. i'm NOT against memorizing, you know. im totally for it when it's necessary. cos you can't just understand everything and then proceed to forget it. you need to get the content into your head by first and foremost, memorizing it. key is, is what we are memorizing of any good to our, erm, intellectual well-being? i kinda feel like my intelligence is being insulted whenever im made to spend hours memorizing some completely meaningless material, stuffs like zui weng ting ji. i seriously don't need to know how these ancient poets had fun self-glorifying themselves with musings like that. ok, i mean, it's literature, it's the chinese culture, and what not. but can our way of accessing these 'literary treasures' get anymore unthinking? oh, and don't even begin by telling me that gu wen teaches you about life, about morals and stuffs like that. if anything, it's highly unlikely that i'd be receptive towards learning about principles of life that come packaged with obscure writings, unengaging stories and unfunny anecdotes . i rather consult my mum or watch an episode of te xie anytime. but then again, i do acknowledge that i am partly at fault, for choosing lep as one of my subjects right at the beginning of last year, when i somehow already knew that things are gonna be like that. i am too callous, too unfeeling, too cold for literature. me and literature just dont go together. it's my bad, to a certain extent. after all, who am i to discredit the literature deemed so remarkable (no sarcasm intended) by whoever that devised this syllabus? im just too puny. i am so gonna throw my gu wens away after the As. |