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no, i don't actually have an uncontrollable urge to exterminate teenage girls
Hi, i can be boring sometimes. And i often sound evil to conceal life's banalities. But i really am a kind and peace-loving creature. That despite the URL. |
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about this blog
got neither analytical insights nor flashy pictures to offer just trying to make the mundane a little less mundane! tagboard
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2007 lookback
it was with a sense of rootedness in harsh reality, and not to mention doom and gloom, when i started the year off with a bleak "if 2005 was a boom, and 2006 was a peak, then i can only hope that the trough of a 2007 will be a cushioned and short-lived one. this is realism, not pessimism." , the kind of quote only a hardcore cynic will pride himself by. and as 2007 creeps to an end, well, that self-invented quote has turned out to be very much self-fulfilling in every possible dimension. yes, it indeed has been a year filled with sore grudgery - why transport me to this alternative realm where i, of all things, mount grumpy-looking armour vehicles for a living (lately, it has to do with donning rotten-fish-scented bullet proof vests everywhere i go), oh higher being? and before i get condemned for rehasing such much-bemoaned stuffs even as i usher in the new year, let me also proclaim that while life has very much taken the form of a slippery trough, this trough that is 2007 has also been a, with much relief and gratitude, cushioned one. one that ensured that i on one hand, got thoroughly humbled through my unglam descent from jc grace, and on the other, landed safe and sound with a heightened appreciation of the little things around. i could have broke into a million pieces ala emo teenage girls, you know? 2007 - some things have changed for better, then there are some that remain fiercely status quo. oh yea, nothing's gonna stop me from digressing a little to take a dig at these moronic seasonal fetishes of my favourite species.  this i call sexy unpredictability - you have no idea what in the world is gonna be in vogue next. it could be thigh high double layered rainbow hued stockings, or yakitori sticks with strawberry flavoured heart shaped cookies slotted in between pork and asparagus pieces, never mind how mentally-challenged these come across as. donut, what donut? those are soooooooo last season already! my own humble compilation of the good and bad of 2007: the good, in random order - #1 -  really, the only saving grace when you're unceremoniously thrown into an environment so intrinsically repulsive in its working and nature is the people you have around you. they really make THE difference. initial worries about the divide between monointakes and jc-batch were mostly unfounded, a strong and valid reiteration of the fact that the best gauge of a person's worth is never through his educational level, and that everyone's endowed in their own unique ways. it is the ex-fishmonger's irreverent jokes and the ex-carpenter's anti-climatic singing that really puts a smile on your face, not an easy feat when you feel like you're not much worthier than a piece of preserved sardine in that fighting vehicle you fight for a living in. #2- am immensely glad and grateful to have kept in contact with the bulk of my jc, secondary and most certainly, primary school mates. gf, mariam, mok, nan zai, nyap, ah nong, cyndi ngiam, poo yee, alybo, qsf and acg - thank you all for being around and providing a welcome respite from military hellground each and every single time i book out. i can't recall a single weekend since bmt where i didn't go out for a movie or a zoo trip or something, and that wouldn't be possible without all you outing, and to a greater extent, gossiping enthusiasts as well. and how could i forget my family? it is indeed liberating in some senses (for the eyes of gf, mariam and mok - though paradoxically completely not so in others) to have educated parents whom you can pride yourself by (i still fail to understand half the enigmatic things my dad writes till today), simply because they understand to a greater extent the complexity and relevance of the issues and problems you face from day to day. so it's really more heartfelt paptalks than moralistic preaching. simply put, a little less soap-bubble-on-the-corner-of-the-wall anality and a little more care and concern really goes a long way. couldn't have survived tumultuous ns without them. #3-  sodagreen - the source of infinite inspirations, emotions and related musings this year. it goes much further than the poetic verses crafted with so much heart and grandeur in equal parts （卮言春天，破碎秋千，踟蹰不如停止抱歉, anyone?） it is in fact, the striking individualism and informidable courage displayed in defence of an au naturel part of oneself that is unfortunately perceived as a weakness by myopic minds all too present in the society. and the result of such an honest, barenekkid exposure? legions of fans who can identify with the act of bravely facing and overcoming one's vulnerabilities, which more than compensates for the rife, shallow criticisms of him being too effeminate, them growing too commercialized, whatever. favourite lyrics of 2007- 够痛快了吗？我知道啊 躲在你利刃之内 骄傲的自卑作祟 够鲜艳了吗？血染的花 被你刺满的双手 此刻擦干你眼泪 《这天》 看见你背影来到 写下我度秒如年难捱的离骚 就算整个世界被寂寞绑票 我也不会奔跑 逃不了 最后谁都苍老 写下我 时间和琴声交错的城堡 《小情歌》 不管飞行还是蹉跎 都仍是自己的生活 烦恼不会凭空 不如捕捉 笑声 涂上耳朵 换一个轮廓 快了比较多 放自己好过 《飞鱼》 我的手 你的脸 开一地陌生花 洒落满天的式微 《That Moment Is Over!》 华丽的词藻和真挚的感情是这样和谐并存的。 and how could i ever forget this?  #4 - the year i turned into a film buff was fortunately the very year axs machines started sprouting up all over the island. and with that, sneaking into r21 cinema halls, specifically at gv vivocity, has never been easier. contrary to popular belief, the fundamental appeal of r21 movies has never been about titillating sexual content or extreme graphic violence per se. (don't scream hypocrisy yet, i said fundamental). though embarrassing to admit, it probably stems from an eager want to grow out of the cookie-cutter, fairytale-ish, idealistic and juvenile values and beliefs represented in mild, mainstream flicks that some prudish people from some self-perched moral high ground (read:mda) believe is best for me to learn from. i repeat, censorship is self defeating. how would i be thinking had i not caught the likes of summer palace, eternal summer and lust, caution? we need to see the act to know it can at times be more than just an embarrassing embodiment of cheapo lust and quickie pleasure. we need to see a nuanced hetero/homo love triangle at play to know that love can indeed transcend all moral, cultural, social and gender boundaries. they'll never get it, will they? #5 - emerging emotionally exhausted though physically unscathed from the the unkind flood of army related activities so ill-fitting with everything i believe in. exercise wallaby, infantry section training, ndp stoning-in-the-name-of-security rehearsals, bionix live firings, army half marathon, runs, runs, and more runs in long sleeved shirts under the morning sun. yes, i lament all too often, but at least i didn't misfire into my own eye or something. and the bad - #1 - 2007's been an idiot-proof, routine-bound, they-say-it-and-you-do-it kind of year, which doesn't exactly promote in me the kind of flourishing creativity and hyperproductivity needed for sustenance in the real, non-make-believe world i'll spent 95% of my time in. obedience, blind adherence and an unquestioning mind - check. inquisitive heart needed to sieve out irrational nonsense not required. it's funny how two compulsory regimes we're made to go through promote ethics and value completely at odds at each other. the best of both worlds - what a uniquely male advantage. it really sucks to feel like you're getting dumb and dumberer by the day. #2 - i fear, therefore i loathe. admittedly, much of such contempt i bear has got to do with my having to swallow my pride and bury that ego to avoid trouble at all costs. it is not akin to an educational institution, where you skip a lecture and get away with an affectionate homemade good ol parent's letter. rules and regimentation carve out a culture of fear, and never lets defiant offenders get away without a thorough smacking of the ego, not to mention a series of valuable weekends robbed and unreturned. it is never about gaining warmed-hearted trust and loyalty via painfully effeminate, tender loving coaxing. ruthless efficiency is the deal, nevermind that bruised ego of yours. #3- let's just say that if i ever, for the love of god, wind up with a daughter for a child, i'll pre-empt domestic violence and child negligence charges 12 years down the road by repeatedly chanting ''girl girl, daddy's love for you is only available and effective from the age of 0-11, and 18 onwards, nothing more, nothing less" the moment she knows how to look me in the eye. poo yee's idea. nuff' said. 2008 resolutions that are more an ushering-in-the-new-year formality than 2008 resolutions: #1- to value-add (i.e. learn something) #2- to not let skills go obsolescent (i.e. keep reading and writing) #3- to get experimental (i.e. go for a sheesha session with alyssa or something) #4- to look forward to emancipation day (14/12/2008) with an open heart and a tolerant mind. constant lamenting and internal swearing still allowed. this will tread on the fine line between admiration and pimply teenage boy sentiment, oh well, whatever, i figured it'll make for a more glamorous ending note or so. but even if it lopsides towards the latter, at least teenage boys aren't half as vile as their female counterpart. they just gotta lose those bright skinnies. lol favourite celeb personalities of 2007:        have a blessed 2008 ahead. long overdue post-wallaby entry. predictably, my training stint in australia constituted no less than 33 youth-wasting days, where hours painfully crept by as i stared into space, watched grass grow, forced myself to think of an armour vehicle as a giant mutated sodagreen pin-up, and then stared into space some more. the only good that came out of it was the cultivation of what else but the trait of patience and endless tolerance. yes, my perceptions are unapologetically one-dimensional like that. unapologetic, because i'm starting to believe that everyone should be entitled to their own prejudices, never mind if they're right or wrong from anyone's moral standpoint. (i.e. i hate donut-muching teenage girls. it's irrational, but who cares?) but this entry is not supposed to be a recycling of all that military-related bemoaning, bitching and badmouthing. it's just that as we all hold our heads down, put on our most grievous expressions and commemorate one year of grudge and slavery, i am joltingly and fearfully reminded of things, both tangible and intangible, lost throughout the ambitionless path i have taken in the past 12 months. a directionless mess of thoughts now occupy where a suitably ambitious mind once laid. i am somewhat fearful of chinese writing in the usual, proper essay form, because the last thing i wish for is a self-triggered expose of the sorry state of my current writing abilities, that is an inevitable consequence of the regimented conscript life i've lived for a year. i know i have to start somewhere if i were to pick it up all over again, but pride and denial messes everything up. how am i ever going to land my ass on the job of a journalist if things go on like this on a downward spiral? i always knew i had to leverage on my strength of biligualism if i were to stand out, and if this only edge that i possess were to be brutally stripped off me, then not even the brightest of academic results will be able to save me from a bleak future (that very possibly sees me getting exasperated and smashing teenage schoolgirls' donuts on a daily basis - that's another equally knotty issue), which i am increasingly fearful of as the idiot-proof days of conscription slowly but surely passes. i need to write. and read. and write. and read. and write and read some more. as my friendster caption goes, respectable individualism is emerging unscathed from a flood of mockery and just being who you are. 娘？性倾向扑朔迷离？ 这些都无关痛痒 因为只要歌曲仍然字字情真意切 只要还坚持，还能够在舞台上挥洒真性情 就会有人日复一日，年复一年地支持你们 我真的很喜欢他们的真情流露 也很欣赏他们的非官方 这是不是独立地下乐团独有的精神？ 再补充 娘与否，无所谓 不畏娘，不畏嘲讽，或许才是真正值得钦佩的 《这天》is the new album's xiao qing ge equivalent. it is with so much conviction and soul-sucking ability qingfeng conveys the song that it is near impossible not to be moved. give it a try |